did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
