I think I died a long time ago.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
