dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
