At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
