we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
