I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
