Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
