Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
