the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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