you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
