Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
