i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
