Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
