does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
