did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
