I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
