I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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