I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
