Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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