I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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