So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
