You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
