Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
