How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
