I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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