my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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