i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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