i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
