I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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