A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
