Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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