My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
