I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
