the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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