I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
