somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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