Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
