jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I see more hoeing in ur future
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