Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
