New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
