As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
