I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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