Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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