Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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