So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
