probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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