Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
