Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
