some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
