I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
